When a character says “It’s just so gorge” before becoming victim to bloody murder, you know exactly the type of film you’re getting into. Heart Eyes takes the worlds of horror, romance and comedy, blends them together, injects some cheese and embraces the Valentine’s Day slasher gimmick that it is.
The narrative follows the titular “Heart Eyes Killer”, a masked murderer who targets couples on Valentine’s Day. It’s a simple enough premise, but unfortunately nothing to write home about. There’s no denying the fact that any entertainment drawn from this film is driven by the campy humour and bloody slasher sequences, not the narrative. The story tying all these elements together falls short of any engagement – the identity of the killer is hardly an interest and there’s not much demand to care for the wellbeing of the protagonists. As a result, watching the story- and romance-driven sequences is like waiting in line for a rollercoaster, with the traditional slasher elements being the payoff.
This also affects pacing – the first act, which is all focused on setup, takes a while to get into the cat-and-mouse chaos that follows. It’s almost 40 minutes before our protagonists are in peril, which is about 20 minutes too long. From there, once the thriller elements take over, it presents a decent run of killing sprees and chase sequences that are rewarding at the very least.
This Valentine’s Day slasher is at its best when it leans into the gimmick that it is. Just give me a creepy yet quirky masked killer stumbling his way through some brutal murders and call it a day. Thankfully, there’s a good chunk of that through the second and third acts. It’s dumb, it’s cheesy, it’s silly and, while not exceptional, it nails its tone. Some of the humour-driven moments start to feel like they belong in a spoof comedy as opposed to a horror/comedy, but for the most part the approach works. Additionally, you have to take this film at face value – there’s some decent scares, but are you going to be terrified? No. The novelty of the horror is in the gore and violence of the kills. In that respect, it’s very Scream-lite. And no, I’m not just referring to the presence of Mason Gooding. The various murders are fun and creative enough to satisfy horror fans, while it does play things quite safe. While Heart Eyes himself may not gain the cult following that someone like Art the Clown has, his style of bloody murder serves the film well.
While this is my first exposure to Olivia Holt, one of the film’s big draws is the presence of the stars around her. Mason Gooding, Devon Sawa and Jordana Brewster have sizeable roles that make an impact on both the cheese and horror elements. Sawa and Brewster play detectives Hobbs and Shaw, leading to a brief yet hilarious comedic beat that won over the Fast & Furious-loving side of my heart. On the whole, everyone nails the tone of the film and their characters. No one’s acting like they’re playing Colonel Kurtz in Apocalypse Now, they lean into the campiness and silliness of the premise and maintain the tone’s consistency. Despite no previous exposure to build on, I liked Olivia Holt in the lead role. She shows great charisma and sets up a platform that could see her become more of a horror mainstay.
Does the movie fall into predictable traps? Yes. While that doesn’t make for the most ideal horror experience, I’m not docking it too much. The straightforward cookie-cutter approach can be a slog early on, but it’s enough to get from one kill to the next. As I mentioned earlier, this means the story takes a hit and lacks impact, but story just isn’t the focus of this gimmicky slasher. What is a focus though is the reliance on practical effects. Yeah sure there’s some CGI, but there are a few moments where prosthetics are used and I always find that elevates a horror film.
In the end, Heart Eyes is your stock-standard horror/rom-com and exactly what you expect it to be. It’s got decent thrills, slasher sequences and plenty of gore to go around. On top of that, there’s ample slapstick and campy one-liners that don’t always hit, but bridge the gap between horror and comedy. While it’s marred by a slow opening and largely unrewarding story, there’s still a good time to be had provided you didn’t spend $20+ per ticket. Are there better movies for date night? Obviously. Will this one do if you can’t settle on something better? Sure.
6/10
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