Movie Review: KNOCK KNOCK (2015) – Keanu Reeves Pile of Crap

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WHAT. THE. FUCK. WAS. THIS. PIECE. OF. SHIT?……………..
Why on earth did this utterly terrible turd of a film get made? I honestly have absolutely no fucking clue what the point of this film was. Keanu Reeves, why? It has just made me so fucking annoyed that i spent 1 hour and 35 minutes watching this dreadfully written, dreadfully acted, crap-fest. OK, lets calm down a little bit and tear this shit to pieces in a slightly calmer tone.

This was supposed to be a Horror/Thriller with some Erotic Torture here and there, and also from the mind of Eli Roth. I thought it was going to get his trademark torture horror with a good amount of gore and be scary, or at the very least a fun movie. But it was a complete mess from the moment it began to the very second it ended. The synopsis of the plot sounded like it had some potential but you realise very quickly during the film that this was probably one of the dumbest ideas for a film. The first 40 minutes of this movie were just dreadfully corny, cheesy, dumb, stupid and downright boring. It was sitting on the borderline between something slightly satirical and slightly serious and that was really pissing me off the whole way through. The first 40 minutes of this movie was essentially the beginning of porn; dreadfully acted, dreadfully written and a waste of time, but with this, there isn’t anything worth watching on the other end. You think that once something begins to happen after the 40 minute mark that it is going to pick up speed and get good. But fuck me, it almost gets worse. It tried (and failed) to incorporate some erotic scenes, and some torture scenes, and some horror scenes and still continued to be corny as fuck.

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The whole time during this film you are wondering “What is going on?” and “Why is this even happening?”, and then in the last act of the film Keanu Reeves just yells out at the top of his lungs everything you are thinking at that point for like 40 seconds and i have to say it was hilarious. It was the only thing in the film that worked, and it was relying on me to hate everything i had seen so far in order for that one moment to be enjoyable. So i’m not sure if that is smart or just stupid. The movie also tries to throw in some morality shit in like the last 2 minutes of the film to try and justify why everything prior had happened. But at that point you just don’t give a shit anymore and are eagerly awaiting the credits. Some of the camera work at like 2 specific moments was interesting and i could see some of Eli Roth’s style coming through so i admired those 2 moments.

The characters in this movie were overly exaggerated and dumb and cheesy, like the rest of the film. But just as bad were the performances, oh my god they were atrocious. The two girls were so bad i really don’t want to see them try to act ever again. And Keanu, what on earth were you doing in this film? He just killed it in John Wick and then he pulls out one of the worst performances that i’ve seen from him. I just want to forget about it and throw any memory of this away.

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So in the end, MAYBE, if you get really really really drunk and you put this film on in the background you might be able to see the funny side of it, but i don’t know how this film can be anything other than frustrating. Eli Roth please stick to the gore, Keanu please stick to the action, and all will be good. – 1.4/10

I’m not even going to bother censoring this to put on IMDB, this pile of shit deserves an R-rated review to get the point across.

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